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I don’t believe Jax went to rehab
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I don’t say this lightly, and I definitely don’t want to belittle someone’s struggle, but after this week’s episode, I don’t think Jax went to rehab— at least not any official legit rehab. I think he went to some clinic for a day, or just pretended to sign in, and then left and spent his time in a hotel or rental. Or he went to some stupidly expensive “wellness retreat” and called it rehab.
It was another post and specifically this comment from u/cmac92287 that made me want to post my thoughts: https://www.reddit.com/r/vanderpumprules/s/4SqpzoFqwb
A loved one of mine has spent many months over the years (thankfully sober and stable now!) in many different in-patient facilities for addiction and mental health— sometimes rehab, sometimes a mental health clinic. Watching this season sent off many red flags for me and them. There are some things that are standard across the board for every stay, no matter the state or type of inpatient clinic:
- absolutely no unlimited access to phone time, especially a personal cell phone. If they got phone access, it is usually a landline and if they got access to their cell phones, it was once a week and monitored. Cell phones can be a huge liability in rehab and often a source of relapse. People can/will find any way to sneak substances in so staff is very strict re: cell phones. They definitely would not be able to have their phone on them often enough to know when their spouse is in the home, via alerts from their camera (!!!)
- getting diagnosed in the first few days. This was interesting because generally it takes time for a diagnosis. A lot of the first week of rehab— if not detoxing— is coming to terms with this new reality. You’re not going to be diagnosed bipolar within a couple days unless it’s some sort of in patient psychiatric hospital (which Jax clearly was not in). And definitely not the sort of place where you have access to your phone 24/7.
- wearing the bar merch!! You would NEVER be allowed any sort of clothing related to alcohol in REHAB!! Clinics have guidelines on what you can bring and go thru clothing that acceptable along with the rest of your belongings when you check in. No politics or questionable phrases or even logos sometimes. And definitely NOT a bar!! This was insane for me.
- going to a public park for a supervised meet with Cruz. Why not at the facility where it is the safe/familiar environment? Also usually outdoor privileges aren’t given in the first two weeks! It takes time and trust to get an outing and even then it’s strict. Family time was always AT the facility.
I could be wrong and maybe he was in some sort of facility for all that time. But even if that’s the case, I believe he researched a spot where he could pay an exorbitant amount of money to be able to “say he did rehab” and that he was changed.
However none of this changes the fact he is a dangerous narcissist. I pray Brittany and Cruz stay safe and get a restraining order or something.
Would love to hear others thoughts!
Top Comment: He also did cameos his entire stay. There’s a theory he was at his life coaches house. He bought a truck from him his first day out and had him on his pod.
Those who went to rehab, what's the story?
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I've just been on the merry-go-round for so long, quitting so many times, using other "aids" like adderall, alcohol, gabapentin to go through it, then I would relapse. My main addiction is a huge kratom habit, but I use other substances to get off of it, the "trading addictions" thing is very prevalent.
I'm now drinking on top of kratom and this shit needs to stop. My brain is so kindled from so many different substances, I don't know how I can do this again. The next "quit" needs to be the last, my body is fucked.
Now I can't use gabapentin anymore for kratom withdrawal because my brain is kindled to shit.I'm 40 years old and I see no way out without my "remedies" for withdrawal.
Finally getting to the point where I have to try rehab for a good 30 days to try to get 30 days clean off of everything. That hasn't happened in a decade. Incredible to think about.
Would love to hear some stories about rehab, why you went, what you were on, etc.
Top Comment: Detox, inpatient, IOP, and sober living were my key. At some point my brain switched and I just don’t do those things anymore. I know what happens when we go down that path and it’s not who I am anymore.
What rehab is like
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You’ll go live in an institution with a bunch of other drug addicts/alcoholics. Half of them don’t even really want to be there; it’s just a condition of their parole, or they were granted bail to receive ‘addiction treatment.’ I was one of those people who ended up in rehab (the first time I went) via the criminal justice system.
There’s labour involved, which might be good for people who have no work ethic, can’t get up in the morning, can’t tidy up after themselves, mop a floor, etc. It’s all unskilled labour though. So going to rehab might help you develop a basic sense of work ethic, but you won’t learn valuable job skills.
Depending on the rehab, you might spend less time doing menial labour and more time in group therapy: sit in a circle, do a ‘check in’ saying how you feel before you start ruminating about addiction, or talking about something else that may or may not pertain to addiction at all (e.g. childhood resentments). This is all facilitated by a staff member who, in all likelihood, loves the Twelve Steps.
You’ll probably be required to go to Twelve Step meetings, perhaps 2-3 times a week, possibly every day. If you feel like the Twelve Steps aren’t for you—maybe because you don’t believe in a personal God who wants to help people overcome addiction—you’ll be told that you’re in ‘denial’ or some bullshit like that. If you point out the majority of people in AA/NA/CA don’t stay sober, you’ll be told to ignore that and focus on the teeny-tiny minority of Twelve Steppers who do stay sober...who end up working at rehabs, forcing other people to go to Twelve Step meetings. Those are your role models. Become like them. That’s the entire goal of rehab.
There might be a ping-pong table or a pool table. You might spend a lot of your spare time outside smoking cigarettes with the other ‘addicts,’ because cigarette smoking is a non-issue in addiction treatment centres, even though cigarettes cause more deaths than all other drugs combined.
After a few weeks/months, you’ll “graduate,” and everyone will talk about what a life-changing experience this was and how much they’ve grown. Then most of them will go home and relapse. Maybe they’ll relapse together with a friend they made in rehab. It happens all the time.
The minority of people who ‘succeed’ in rehab were determined to quit anyways. They would have succeeded with or without rehab. For them, rehab is like Dumbo’s Magic Feather. If you’re willing to go to rehab, that’s great; that means you have a strong desire to change. That’s all you actually need: the desire and motivation to quit. They (i.e. the addiction treatment providers) will try to tell you that you’re “powerless” and “diseased” and gaslight you about being in “denial” because they want you to buy their snake oil.
I’ve been to 3 different rehabs, and I really wish I didn’t waste my time.
I think it would be great if other people shared their thoughts/experiences—positive or negative—so that those considering it can make an informed decision.
Top Comment: As one of those guys who hosts the group therapy sessions, I try really fucking hard to help in any meaningful way I can, every single day. You might not have faith in rehab, but I promise you some of us are really out there trying to make a difference.
What is rehab like?
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I (26 m) an not the alcoholic in this situation. My dad (59) drinking has always been a problem and it final came to a head this evening. He’s never been mean and always did what he had to do for his family, just a good man with no self control over his drinking. He used to be able to hold off until he got home from work but now gets drunk during the day. He was diagnosed with kidney disease 2 yrs ago.
He’s drank until he passes out every night since I can remember but has starting drinking and driving about a year ago. I’m worried that he’s spiraling this much at almost 60. 2 weeks ago caught him passed out in his car in the driveway. His car was full of groceries but he had no recollection of going. This led to a family intervention and he started therapy. He got a dui today and will most likely lose his job of 25 yrs driving trucks. The car behind him even gave the cops videos of him driving in the wrong lane with oncoming traffic having to get off the road. This will be crushing to him and my family in general but now he will have nothing but time and has agreed to go to rehab for an extended stay.
My question is what is rehab like? Will they help with the depression and anxiety side of things too because it all seems related to drinking. His sober baseline is high anxiety and depression and this situation will only make it worse. Will they give him resources to carry on and find new paths in life. All he knows is work until it’s time to drink and drink until it’s time to work. If he has no job and is sober he will not know what to do. Would a rehab center give my family resources on how to deal with him after he gets out? Lastly has anyone here every tried psychedelics to get sober, I know it’s on it’s early stages of being a medical treatment but I can see it being a good reset for someone stuck in their own ways. Tia for any info or advice
Top Comment: rehab is ok i would never really specifically discourage anyone from going i think one of the issues is the complete lack of providing aftercare. a phone call text email reminder etc for a follow up doctors appointment isnt going to help anybody very much. i wont get into my frustrations over my experience because i think maybe it could help someone and i dont want to hold that back. ur basically given 7-30ish days (or more) to live in a fantasy land that is not the same as your real life which can cause problems. thats my two cents. i think they're a scam but im certain its helped SOMEONE
Supposed to go to rehab in the morning. I don't want to go. Please help.
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Title sums it up. Basically I've used up all my second and third (and fourth and fifth) chances. My wife hates me. No kids left in the house (all grown up) and I guess I have gotten worse. She said rehab or she's leaving. I can stop drinking (I only drink beer but a lot of it), I can go a month or two sober but I always go back.
I'm not religious. I have no higher power. I'm going to hate it and I want to get in my car and run away.
I know what I should do but I don't want to. I'm not in trouble with the law but I'm in trouble at home.
For the record, I'm stone cold sober and scared to death. I'm a grown man and I just want to cry.
Can anyone relate?
Edit: Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. You guys have given me every reason to go to rehab and no real reasons not to as long as I take it seriously, commit and put in the work and continue with the follow up which is where I always mess up. I will work hard. My higher power will be my family. I'm going to retire soon and I want as much time with my wife and kids as I can get.
I do want to be better so I guess I do want to go to rehab after all but getting there will be hard. My wife says she'll drive me so I don't "accidentally" end up in Mexico.
I'll give y'all an update when they let me out. Thanks again. You guys might have just saved my marriage because I sure didn't want to go when I posted this.
Top Comment: The future is scary. So scary, it makes me want a drink so I don't think about it. One day at a time is a high bar to start out. That one day goes by really slow and thinking about the next is scary. So stop and just focus on this moment. I'd recommend looking up some breathing exercises for calm. Breathe, and focus on this moment. In this moment, you are sober. Take that little victory and stretch it out a bit longer. The next minute, you're sober. We won't worry about the next day. The next day will happen and we can't do anything about it now. What we do have power over is right now. But, I bet that you can trust yourself to be sober tomorrow if you focus on this moment. You have all the power you need. It's all scattered about now because that's what alcohol does. But if you keep your mind in the now and embrace the sobriety you find yourself in then tomorrow will take care of itself. It won't be easy, but you can do it. It took me so long to realize I was done drinking. But one morning I found myself sober and I took that moment and stretched it out a bit longer and next thing I know it's been over 600 days. IWNDWYT
How effective is rehab?
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I've have a family member who struggles with alcohol (drinking sanitizer from Tesco) and prescription drugs (codeine, valium, stilnoct).
The family was thinking of paying for rehab but one of my friends who works in Cuian Mhuire says that the statistics don't favor them and that most relapse within a few months.
Top Comment: I think of the 20ish people I was in rehab with only maybe 4 or 5 of us are still sober 4 years later! Someone has to really want to stay sober to stay sober. They won't do it for anyone else.
Stories about rehab
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I've been to rehab 7 times. Whoop-de-doo. People that haven't been to rehab and only know about it from MTV shows have a common misconception that it's a sad place. Whenever I've started to tell people a story from rehab they get a somber look on their faces. Uh, no. Rehab was the most fun I've ever had in my life. It's the most egregiously human thing anyone can take part in. It's like being a part of some insane social experiment.
Take people off the street, detox them from drugs then throw them into a place they can't leave where they eat, sleep, discuss, cry, and laugh together. As they recover from detox their bodies become alive with energy and clarity (the so-called pink cloud). They're extremely bored with nothing to do besides sit through lectures and interact with other people going through the same thing. They become kids again. Hijinks ensue. Then they tell a story about watching their best friend die. It's wild.
Relationships develop at incredible speeds. Think about how much time you spend with a friend. You spend 12 hours a day with each other. Sometimes one of them will get kicked out or get fed up and leave and it's like watching your brother walk out of your life.
So I want to know if anyone knows of a podcast or any rehab stories. I miss it. I'd go back just for the human connection if I could. When rehab ends it all seems like a weird dream.
Top Comment:
Watch the new John Mulaney comedy special on Netflix. Not a podcast but hilarious nonetheless
I am at inpatient rehab and it SUCKS!
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I have been at an inpatient rehab for 10 days now. I have access to a computer and the Internet here. I came here on my own accord. I am not in any legal or relationship or career trouble currently. I'm just tired of getting drunk almost every night for decades and being hungover most mornings. But I get up and do my job every day in spite of the hangovers and I'm good at it.
Inpatient rehab has been a cesspool of drama. I sacrificed a lot of time off of work, away from home, and a lot of money to be here. And I'm getting almost no value from it.
There are lots of people who are forced to be here legally. They have no desire to get clean, but are here to avoid or lessen jail time.
There are a bunch of people here who have been to rehab 3-4 times previously. They seem to be dysfunctional individuals who like some part of being in rehab, whether it's a craving for attention on themselves, cravings to be among a group of misfits, etc.
There are people who are here as a last-ditch effort to keep their spouse or partner from kicking them out or to maintain visitation rights of their kids.
There are people here who have lost jobs or crashed cars or woken up after having done something terrible while high or drunk.
And there are a few people like me - who are just tired of self-medicating themselves to not think about past trauma, guilt, and regrets.
I'm reportedly at one of the "best" rehab places. They have facilities in multiple states, and people who are here and have been to various other places say how much more they like this one.
Meanwhile;
patients are having sex with each other, which is against the rules
patients are having sex with their partners who come see them on the one visitation day each week, which is against the rules
patients are smuggling in dangerous drugs and offering them and sharing them with other patients
patients have threatened each other with violence
counselors are regularly insulting and playing "power trip" games with patients
in each group, there are inevitably 2-3 patients who completely monopolize the entire sessions, with over 80% of the patients never getting a chance to share anything or get some help with their issues
we only see an actual counselor twice a week
patients are running many of the onsite AA meetings and alternative recovery method meetings, instead of staff
I have had 3 different roommates in 1 week - not because anyone has a problem with me, but because there are constantly people checking into and out of the facility. And 2 of those roommates sucked. Both snored like chainsaws. One threw his trash everywhere except the garbage cans in the room. Another had enough stuff to live here for 7 months even though everyone is supposed to bring 7 days worth of belongings. And he had a habit of not flushing the toilet, so I got to see his piss and shit every time I used the bathroom.
If this is one of the better rehab places I can't even imagine what the worse ones are like. BTW it costs $6,000 per week to be here, and you have to commit to four weeks in writing.
In retrospect, my time and money would have been vastly better spent by staying home, finding a therapist who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy, finding somewhere to get some EMDR treatment for adult PTSD and childhood trauma, and finding local AA and/or SMART recovery meetings (whichever flavor works best for each person, and mine is definitely the SMART option).
And the statistics are that a huge percentage of people who leave the place that I'm at end up relapsing. Take that for what it's worth. Someone who has been around here for years told me they only know of one person who has been here and stayed sober permanently, although I'm sure that they have a very limited set of data points to go by.
So for anyone considering inpatient treatment, even with good insurance coverage, FMLA, and/or short-term disability options, please consider everything I'm sharing about my experience while I'm still here in it. For those few who have been to inpatient rehab and can absolutely cite it as making them get sober and stay sober, good for you. I'm not claiming that my experience, observations, and conclusions about inpatient rehab centers is great advice for everyone. But I strongly urge everyone who needs help getting clean to consider what I've shared. I love this subreddit and I know that everyone in it tries their best to help each other. And that's what I'm trying to do as well.
I had to sign papers saying I wouldn't write anything negative about this place in public anywhere. So I can't give you the name of it here. But I'm willing to bet that these things could be said about most rehabs, except perhaps the "elite or the elite" places that cost vastly much more than $6,000 per week. I was promised at least six hours a day of group therapy and individual counseling. At a third of the way through the process I'm completely disappointed and I'm ready to leave. But I'm on the hook for the full 30 days of fees whether I leave or stay, which sucks ass. The only positive thing I can say is that I haven't had a drink during the 10 days I've been here.
Peace out, my brothers and sisters who struggle with alcohol. You all have my empathy and best wishes for your individual journey that hopefully leads to and maintains your sobriety.
Top Comment: The only positive thing I can say is that I haven't had a drink during the 10 days I've been here. This is buried at the end, but this is the only thing that matters. Get what you need to get out of this experience - which is your sobriety - and then get out. Good luck with the SMART meetings!
CMV: Rehab doesn't actually do anything
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I have many examples in my personal life where folks go to rehab, get clean, come out, anddddd relapse.... Its an endless cycle. Prime example in todays time is Bam Margera. The guy fled from a court appointed rehab center for the SECOND time THIS MONTH. Hes been in an out of them struggling with drugs and alcohol his whole life. Not just him, there are countless cases in the news everyday with out favorite celebrities! Maybe im being biased because ive never seen a successful case personally but who knows!
Top Comment: So we had a social worker in the class about drugs and rehabs when I was in school. And one of the biggest misconceptions is that rehab will "cure" you of addiction. This is not what's going to happen. Rehab is aimed at reducing both the frequency (how often do you take) and the impact of the addiction and increasing the quality of life of the addict. Most people who go through the programs aren't expected to quit the drug. That's an ideal scenario of course but often it's not really feasible depending on the physical and psychological state of the person. But you can reliably decrease the impact the drug has on the life of a person. Someone who goes through the rehab, overcomes a psychological dependency, goes through withdrawal, breaks a record for how many days they go without a hit several times over. And only then takes another dose. This does not constitute failure. Their health might improve, their psyche might improve, and they don't start from zero when repeating this cycle. Another try might be better, and at some time in the future, the drug addiction will be moved from an all-consuming problem to a secondary concern that is easier to manage. A disclaimer, this is not an American perspective.